I distinctly remember the dream of her while I was sleeping on my bed in a hostel room I had booked in Manipal, in the campus, close to Kamath Circle(KC) KayCee, where our seniors destroyed a wall after India won the ICC Cricket World Cup. Those dreams were vivid and I woke up with quite a start with the most “What the fuck was that?” expression on my face. I had about a week left for my exams to start and I had reached Manipal a couple of days earlier. The bullshit being spammed around was getting to me and I had to clear those papers to get my fucking Engineering degree, I was quite a failure, academically at least, back then which made me feel even more in a lull. Those old 2015 blues man.
I still didn’t give a fuck though. Fuck that past bullshit, fuck those exams and fuck the degree which I didn’t care less about. But that dream came in with a sudden message. I couldn’t understand why, but it was her. I needed to escape, just like her later, just like I always did.
I checked the time. I checked my bank balance. I checked my phone. I saved a picture of her. I checked the train timings. I said fuck these papers and pack’d whatever the fuck I could find around me in a backpack w/ my laptop and headphones ( essentials) and locked my hostel room and made my way to the auto rickshaw stand at KC. KayCee.
I hopped in the auto, went to station and bought a shit ass general ticket and waited for the train. I smoked a few cigarettes in the corner of the platform. I needed to peace. I could feel like my company wasn’t getting anywhere and that gauntlet of my fucking degree and my parents giving me shit about it along with all that spam flying around just didn’t help me. Where the fuck were my friends and shit man? I had a bit of acid on me, and the time was perfect. Anyway I just said fuck this shit and headed into the sleeper compartment when the train arrived. I sat by the window with my iPod on and would go to bogey connecting area where the doors were and would light up a few smokes. I had just quit pot after 5 years and I didn’t really care at that point.
The train galloped onwards into the raging night and I was just listening to those songs and thinking about my life, my future and her. I was so fucking scared of getting attached to her given all the failure, my habits and propagated bullshit. But I just said fuck it let’s have a good trip and enjoy the the two days before I head back to Manipal to clear those bloody papers. But the papers I had were much more endearing.
The train hissed through the Karnataka and Konkan coastline and I watched the lights and stars as it rolled on. I finally reached Gokarna in the dead of the night took another Auto upto the township and stopped at the Shiva statue next to a shit motel on the entry to the little township I loved. I found a cheap ass fucking bed and breakfast and they were nice enough to entertain me at that odd hour.
I took the essentials and walked in the dark to Om beach. That road was never fucking ending and I got lost at a certain point because it was so dark. Luckily I ran into some locals who I was initially sort of apprehensive about trusting, but then we spoke and chilled. They took me through some short cut route which was on a hill to Kudlay because everything was shut at Om beach. One of the dudes owned a shack on Kudlay and he told me I could chill there all night which was a fucking sorted scene.
We walked on that hillish terrain and made our way down the rocky slopes to Kudlay. The beach was fucking magnificent, the stars were out and the moon was shining through, reflecting it’s moonbeams on the ocean surface, something I loved.
I drank a bit, played some music on his speakers and they liked it, then they needed to get rest and I needed to buzz.
So they slept and I put my headphones on and ingested a half, I didn’t want to take more because you know, I send way too hard.
I played all the music on my phone and iPod and this trip was unerringly peaceful but the beats were cerebral and dark. With peace flowing and roving in through.
I danced by myself for a while(sent it), and sat down just staring into the sea, the black, blank nothingness, the moonlight, the starry canopy balloon sky over my head and waited for sunrise which would come right behind me.
Phones were quite shit back then but I really didn’t care about pictures. I have this philosophy of staying in one place long enough for the place to get etched into my memory.
The trip was brilliant and smooth in seclusion, in oneness, in element before the crap got in again after the drugs wore off. But I still peac’d and enjoyed the natural elements and the holy dance we all crave from time to time.
It was nature, music and me, the same old combination burnin’ through the ages. Same old chillin’, movin’, cold as ice and this whiskey I’m drinking right now reminiscing on this memory and talking to her.
I’m finally glad this is all coming together full circle because of all the confusion and downers and ignorance(which I’m fucking sorry about).
I distinctly remember The Doors Aquarius set playing, Bonobo and those remixes, the chill out and the calm tracks as well, and of course the #BigCalm of that sun in the morning. I still hadn’t figured the questions I would ask myself a year and a half later, about purpose, dharma(duty) and meaning. But it was light and it was fun.
The sun came up and time was dilated as always through the night. But it gave me just the spark I needed to clear those god damn exams. (Fuck the Indian education system)
I left without much said and an experience worth keeping in my mind.
I would return to Gokarna again after clearing those papers about 10 days later and I was quite sure this time I would get my degree.
I didn’t need the drugs this time around. I went to OM beach this time but it was badly off season in June and it was raining. Nevertheless I spoke to the manager and DJ’ed this set from my iPod and Laptop.
The crowd grooved, peaced the fuck out, enjoyed the music and I had a nice peaceful come down after everything.
Here is the playlist:
And here’s another one that just aligned itself on autoplay
Dig. Enjoy. Peace. Groove.0