Twiggy Ramirez, the longtime bassist and writing partner of Marilyn Manson, has been accused of rape by his former girlfriend, Jessicka Addams, of the riot grrrl band Jack Off Jill.

In a lengthy letter posted to Facebook, Addams documented several acts of physical abuse and mental harassment she experienced while in a relationship with Ramirez (né Jerodie White) in the early 1990s. In one such incident, Addams said Ramirez became enraged after seeing her in conversation with Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor.

“He began driving my car erratically on the highway, all the while punching me the chest several times, knocking the air out of my lungs. He proceeded to rip off the rear view mirror and threw it out the open window. Throughout the madness, this was a rather poignant moment. He just couldn’t bear to face himself in that mirror. So he proceeded to destroy it. Perhaps after everything he had done to somebody he claimed he loved was the sick reason he needed to become somebody else.”

Following that incident, Addams sought to leave Ramirez, “but at this time most of my friends who had not moved away were also too enmeshed in the Manson camp to find a way to do the right thing and stand up for me. No one was comfortable speaking about it, let alone thinking of exposing to the world the horror I was dealing with.”

According to Addams, Ramirez’s violent behavior came to a head when he returned home from his first tour with Marilyn Manson. At that point, Addams had moved out of their shared apartment and confronted him about being unfaithful while on tour.

“All this led to an argument I never saw coming. He forced me on to the floor with his hand around my neck. I said NO. I said NO. I said it so loud enough, that Pete came rushing in from the other room to get him off of me. But I had been raped. I had been raped by somebody I thought I loved. That night I slept in [her roommate] Pete’s bed and cried myself to sleep. Neither of us discussed it until years later as we both had our own shame about not reporting it.”

Addams said she informed her record label of the incident, but was warned against making her story public, as “there would be a very good chance that my band Jack Off Jill would be black balled by concert promoters, radio programmers, and other bands and their managers.” Her label even convinced her to go on tour with Manson because “it was best for our band.”

In 2015, Addams first alluded to the incident in an interview with Alternative Press. When asked what advice she would give her younger self, Addams responded, “Don’t allow anybody—especially your current boyfriend—to verbally ridicule you, psychically abuse and rape you, fat-shame you, break your spirit, make you second-guess yourself and ultimately steal your identity. Don’t worry: He’ll get trapped in the green dress he stole. It becomes his curse rather than a gift, trust me.”

Following the interview, Adams began to receive an enormous of mail from fans expressing their support, which took an emotional toll.

“And unfortunately, the stories started to unspool. Women (even young girls) revealed their horror stories, and all of a sudden I was not alone. I was not the only one who was a victim of my rapist. Others had also been abused by the man I was referencing.”

The amount of guilt I felt for not reporting him when my rape initially occurred really began to eat at me. Even with my incredibly supportive husband at my side, the compunction of not speaking my truth hit me like a freight train. The bitter tears of self reproach made my chances of my own recovery feel …unattainable.”

Addams sought therapy and after “emotional discussions with my closest friends and family who kept my secret ‘safe’ for me all these years, I have finally made the right decision. To tell MY STORY.” Read it in full below.

https://www.facebook.com/MissJessickaAddams/posts/10155413298828005